Moving On: Why You Can't Live In The Past

No one prepares you for how jarring it can be to leave a place that you’ve called home for almost a decade. But that’s where I find myself now, stuck in limbo. I never thought it would be this hard or that I would even feel like this moving back to Dubai. After all, this is my hometown. It's the place I was born and raised, and has, in many ways, been the foundation of my academic endeavors.

But moving to the U.S. at 17 and being there all this time has undoubtedly changed me. I used to feel homesick while over there for Dubai, and now I find myself feeling homesick for America. The place where I was truly able to become the best version of myself, free of judgment and watchful eyes.

I think it's the people. While I hold Dubai in my heart, I didn’t have friends here that I could turn to. No one whom I could call at 4 in the morning with a crisis. But I did find that while in America, I had people who would virtually go to war for me. I guess more than leaving the place, I’m heartbroken about leaving the people there.

Sure, I miss the place too and how my life was back there. But all those things wouldn't be the same if I hadn’t found my tribe. People who I don't know when I’ll see again. I still remember standing in the middle of Logan International Airport after they dropped me off and just quietly sobbing because I didn't want to make a scene.

Sobbing because I had already started to miss them.

There’s also a small voice in my head telling me I failed because I couldn't make it there. A voice saying that I wasted my time being there because ultimately I’m back to square one. Even though I know that the decision to leave was more of a kick out the door than a voluntary exit. My future was not in my hands, unfortunately.

Dubai also doesn't feel the same anymore. I can’t seem to figure out why, but something is missing in this city. It’s an ineffable feeling, but it's there.

But the only way is forward. If I keep living in the past, then I won’t be able to move on and see that I'm only 24 years old with the world waiting for me. So many things to do and places to see, adventures to be had, and people to fall in love with.

I’ll be back in America soon; hopefully, my tribe is still waiting for me when I do. Till then, it's world-conquering time.