Masks Are Overrated

We all go through life showing people different parts of ourselves; we put on masks that suit the occasion — the professional mask, the lover mask, the friend mask — and we go through our day showing each person the mask we’ve put on for them.

But once in a while, putting on a mask becomes utterly and unbearably agonizing. You want to stop — to just be free of the mask and simply live.

I feel destroyed from the inside. I keep trying to come up for air, but the surface keeps getting farther and farther away. No matter how fast or hard I swim, the surface keeps retreating. I don’t even know how to voice what I feel, let alone find anyone who can remotely understand why I feel this way. I feel all alone — and like a burden sometimes.

I spent the last two days with my phone on Do Not Disturb; I couldn’t take the anxiety — it felt like I was choking on it. I don’t know how to stop feeling this way, and this is the only outlet I have to feel like I have some sort of control. This isn’t the first time I’ve had an episode like this, nor will it be the last. But this one feels like the end might take longer to reach than before.

But come tomorrow, I’ll have to put on my masks, go to work, and pretend like everything is okay.Masks are overrated.