Limbo: Being Unavoidably Stuck

Being stuck in limbo is such a complex feeling to put into words. It's like you're stuck in chains but also free at the same time. I find myself in this routine I have every day, and I honestly can't stand it. Every morning, I see people all dressed up on their way to work while I just aimlessly walk towards my car after hitting Push Day at the gym.

I feel like right now I have no purpose or ambition. I am just in this void, waiting for someone to give me a chance to show what I can do. The one thing I used to be confident in was my job because I knew how good I was as a journalist and how good I was at writing and reporting the news. But now, even that I question sometimes.

Am I as good as I think I am? Were my previous jobs all just flukes? Questions like these swirl in my head day in and day out, and I don’t know how to make them stop. Whenever I meet new people, I see the sparkle in their eyes when I proudly say I work in the news, and then I see that spark slowly wither away as I tell them how I don’t have a job right now.

At the start, it was fine. I’d been non-stop for a while, so the first couple of months were a good breather. But now this limbo doesn’t seem to have an expiration date. As soon as I wake up and until I sleep, it's this constant battle in my head.

I get that people are trying to comfort me by saying this is all just how it is sometimes and it won’t be forever. I know that I do, truly. But when I hear things like that, I feel like screaming. Let me wallow; even if you don't want to see that, let me wallow. I don’t need words of affirmation; what I need is an ear I can rant my heart to.

In the end, they are right, even I know that. Eventually, something somewhere will work out for me. I mean, what else is the option? Deep down, I know this is just a wave I have to ride out, and in a few years, I’ll probably look back at this time of my life and laugh.

But until that day, let me wallow.