I am filled with fear. Fear that I will never live up to the potential I have and become another mundane worker with a mundane mind. I have all these things I want to achieve, but the circumstances I am placed in refuse to budge. There’s only so much I can control to make things in my favor, the rest is up to how the pieces fall.

This may sound like I am blaming the world for my problems like I am not taking accountability. In a way that may be true but what my reality, is only I know. Being a failure is my ultimate fear and by whatever means, I cannot let that transpire. It is a painful process to be alone in a new city and grinding everyday to make sure you’re not a failure, but I do it with a smile so that I can see myself attain that pinnacle.

I live by the motto that one should always seek discomfort so they can grow as a person, but I feel like I am stuck in this cycle of always being uncomfortable. While I long to be surrounded by old faces, the truth is that I needed that change. Change can be lonely, trust me I know, but it is a necessary evil so that you can be the best version of yourself. The paradoxical nature of my situation is not lost me I see it too.

While I may be putting on a facade half the time to survive, eventually it will not be a mask anymore. Eventaully I shall call this place home. But until then these feelings will linger, but I shall fight through as I always have.

I am no stranger to this journey.

~In order to succeed, we must believe we can~